My manager disrespected me in front of my peers a month ago while in the process of giving me negative feedback about my performance. It still bothers me to this day. What can I do to alleviate this bitterness I have toward him and this job?
DR. TATE’S ANSWER
Thanks for your question!
Great question. I’ll start it with a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.“
When you believe that concept you then move to these three-part processes.
1. Step back & reassess – You have a choice at that moment to be ‘Proactive or Reactive’. My hopes you would choose to be proactive by maintaining control of your breathing. The first physical change is your breath. The camera (the thought/s) continues to replay the initial confrontation between the two of you. When you DON’T let go this camera (your thoughts) might show special effects using slow-motion imagery throughout the days, months even years. Giving the scenario more of a 3-D effect that may cause physical illness. i.e. STRESS. This cinema, accompanied by a Dynamic Digital Sound System that repeats the confrontation (your thoughts & memory), that can & will affect your personal life.
2. Focus on Face-to-Face – Still maintaining your proactivity approach let’s give your boss the benefit of the doubt: Maybe you’re misinterpreting the tone. It’s easy to do, especially when he/she or you bring other personal issues to the table. Try to interact face-to-face as much as possible. Tone can be difficult to read over email and over the phone. Even when you know someone very well, signals can get crossed. Before you speak one-on-one and in-person, practice what you’ll say ahead of time so you don’t find yourself getting emotional (Reactive). Be specific about what’s happening and how it’s impacting your work. Then, ask for the specific changes you’d like to see then you’re less likely to misinterpret what’s going on.
3. Remember: It’s THEIR Issue, Not Yours – Most of the time; things like this aren’t really about YOU. So instead of taking it personally, try to consider for a moment what’s going on for your boss. What’s causing this behavior? Does he/she perhaps feel threatened by you in some way? Does he/she have a self-esteem issue that causes him/her to put others down so he/she can feel better about themselves? You might uncover something that makes the behavior a little easier to put up with or just ignore altogether. Sometimes people have annoying character traits that don’t serve them well, however, there’s nothing you can do to change them. Just remember: It’s their issue, not yours. Take comfort in the fact, if you see it, others see it too. Keep Your Cool. THIS TOO SHALL PASS:)